“Be a badass at rest,” my therapist said to me after I lamented about my inability to sit still and not let negative thoughts swirl in moments of stillness and quiet. “You’re still a badass, you’re just resting.”
This mantra of being a “badass at rest” has been incredibly useful in my day-to-day life, and my wonderful therapist Diane can take full credit for this adage (if you’d like to learn more about Diane, please feel free to message me). I recently came across this article by Caroline Moss, who so eloquently and precisely put into words how I feel. In moments when I’m not feeling like a badass, kick-butt lady, I remember things I did this past year (I’m working on not putting a timeline on things, but this felt significant to me):
- Photographed a band from the pit (a lifelong dream of mine)
- Got some dope press placements
- Attended Hamilton as press (WTF) and meeting the cast
- Spoke on a panel and was involved in other workshops
- Spoke on a podcast
I promise you that this is not an attempt to appear as if I’m ~flexing~, but as a reminder. A reminder that 1.) girl you did some ish this year 2.) rest is important 3.) I simply cannot do everything all at once. I’ve done things this year I’ve only dreamed of. Of course, leading up to these moments did involve self-doubt and a whole lotta fear. I’ve touched in a past blog post that I often don’t feel like I’m doing enough with myself. I once thought this “shaming” of myself would be a motivator, but I’m now realizing how toxic it is. And it needs to stop.
My birthday is this weekend, and another trip around the sun will be completed. As I approach this new year of life, I want to envelop myself in the smoke of a massive palo santo stick and cleanse myself from negative nonsense.
This is turning into more of a narcissistic type of post that I’d prefer, so please allow me to say the following….Shout out to the people in my life and in your life who are making things happen – those who are finishing their masters, those who are starting businesses, those who have made positive changes in their life, those who are still learning, those who have found self-love. Hype yourself up, reflect upon the things you have done in your life. You may not feel like you “there” yet, wherever “there” is to you. And that’s perfectly fine.
I am an impatient person. Things don’t happen overnight, things take time. This time last year, I was very much a “GO, GO, GO” type of gal, and I very much still am. At the same time, I’m learning to be gentler, kinder, and softer to myself. And I encourage you to do the same.