Musings

On the comparison game.

** This is another contribution to the countless other articles and posts about comparisons. Anddddd right off the bat, I’m realizing I’m comparing my comparison blog post to other comparison blog posts *insert upside down smiley face emoji* **

I was at a recent therapy session, where I shared my innermost emotions of feeling “not good enough” (whatever the heck that actually means) to my therapist. I don’t look at myself as a person who feels sorry for themselves (at least I don’t like to), but I would be lying (and we would all be lying) to ourselves if I said I didn’t feel this way at some point or another. These feelings may have been brought on after too much social media time and endless scrolling of other people’s lives, seeing only the highlight reel. Cue the comparison game.

My patient and wonderful therapist left me with the following thoughts and quotes to chew over:

  • “It’s nothing to do with me. This isn’t my path. There’s nothing for me here, and that’s OK.”
  • “Acceptance of my feelings.”
  • “I haven’t succeeded yet.”
  • “I feel not chosen, but I didn’t sign up for this.”

This particular quote directly above reminded me of being jealous of the athletic girls in grade school. Sure, I loved doing track and volleyball even if I was mezza mezza at those sports, but wow was I jealous of those girls who were great at them. But why would I be? I didn’t sign up to be an athlete. I signed up to be the best darn singer/dancer/actress triple threat you ever did see. That was my focus, that was my path. And I did everything I could to make it a reality.

Another anecdote comes to mind about a piano player. A person tells the musician, “You’re such a talented pianist, I’m so jealous, I wish I could play like you.” The pianist responds, “If you really wished you could play, you would do it.”

Essentially, if you really wanted to do something, you would do it. You would do everything your power to make that happen. This isn’t to say that if you don’t do something that you’re lazy, that simply isn’t true. There is a difference between a strong, healthy admiration and jealously, and it’s important to differentiate between the two.

It’s paramount – especially for your own well-being – to learn to be supportive of others’ successes rather than envious. Jealousy and envy, while a fleeting comfort, brings more harm then good to our self-esteem.

You will have success in life, and you will inevitably have failures. Others will have success in life, and others will inevitably have failures. Those two things do not define us.

Sigh Swoon aka Gabi may be my very favorite Instagram account out there highly recommend giving a follow. So much so, that I am a subscriber (is subscriber the right term?) to her Patreon and avidly DM her my love and admiration for the work she does.

Sigh Swoon’s aim is “to develop a language and positive relationship with the invisible. ‘The invisible’ pertains to everything in our lives that is immeasurable and formless, such as emotions, goals, dreams, perception, spirituality, and more. I believe these intangible factors, in all their mystery, are at war with our brain’s need to scale and measure. Achieving harmony between the two with self-awareness and perception-altering methods does wonders, serving as an act of love internally and externally.”

She recently posted the meme below, which I think appropriately goes with this blog post:

View this post on Instagram

🏹

A post shared by GABI + MEMES (@sighswoon) on

In conclusion to my essay:

  • Focus on your goals, your dreams, your path.
  • Gas each other up.
  • Celebrate your wins and successes.
  • Use your precious mental and emotional energy in positive ways.
  • Someone else’s path is not your own path, and that’s OK.
  • If you’re still trapped in the comparison game, throw on some Lizzo and let her music do the work 😉

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