I considered titling this post “writing and feeling things”, because that’s what is going on at this moment. Sitting at home, allowing myself to feel a lot of things I would very much prefer to not be feeling. Angrily, I began writing and spewing every thought and word that entered my brain, a stream of consciousness. A mishmash of words and emotions, this post is for those experiencing loss, grief and heartbreak.
going on, despite…
Life is beautiful, confusing, magnificent, sad, tragic and unfair.
Life will knock you off your feet in an instant. Life will have you feeling on top of the world in the next. It’s a journey, with endless highs and lows. And it will be littered with sad moments.
Learning and trying to move forward and continue to live life, while still in the thick of the sadness, feels wrong, dirty, and inappropriate.
Like a tidal wave, it will crush you and everything in its wake. Have you swimming laps until you can make sense of it all.
Tonight, I chose to not be swept under the waves.
Tonight I choose to find comfort and happiness in the things around me. The fresh coat of fire engine red polish I just lacquered onto my nails. The pasta I made myself for dinner. The peppermint tea I’m sipping on while watching a Christmas episode of Bob’s Burgers, even though it’s February.
I’ll take comfort in the uncertainty of the future, and the good things that still have to show themselves. Possibilities are endless and boundless, the universe is overflowing with goodness to come.
Tonight I will also take comfort in my sadness, in knowing that I am not alone and am surrounded, even on the darkest of days. Also in knowing there was someone so magnificent in my life for me to feel this deeply and mournful about.
I will continue to celebrate, and I will continue to look and ask for signs, as I believe in them and find them to be beautiful when we see them.
Life goes on.
Goes on, despite…
Someone being gone.
Heartbreak.
Loss.
We choose to go on.
Life goes on, despite…
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