They usually creep in around 3 or 4pm.
You know who I’m talking about.
The weekend has nearly run its course. The drinks have been drunk, the laughs have been had, the hangover is wearing off. My boyfriend has left my apartment. Friends are settling into their own homes. My family is in another state.
I am now alone*.
*Reader, she is just physically alone, her brain is just telling her she is alone alone.
I do not want to be alone, yet I don’t want to interact with another single soul for at least 24 hours. Well, at least no interactions in person, I feel like tweeting right now.
Whyyyyyy do I feel this way.
The temptation of ordering Thai take-out is lingering. While I mull over the idea of delivery for dinner or the leftovers in my fridge, I plan how I can successfully avoid my thoughts for the rest of the night. I can escape with a 90 Day Fiancé marathon, but will feel guilty that I didn’t spend my time more wisely. I could write, but too much alone time with my mind. I could go for a long walk, but mehhhh….
90 Day Fiancé marathon it is.
I settle in to watch see what mistakes Paul has committed this time against Karine, when the ‘whys’ also decide to settle in…
Why didn’t you do more this weekend?*
Why did you have another drink?
Why didn’t you color coordinate your closet?
Why didn’t you eat healthier?
Why didn’t you wake up at 6am to go hiking?
WHY HAVEN’T YOU PRODUCED THE NEXT CHART-TOPPING PODCAST YET?!
*what more could I possibly have done? What more validation do I possibly need?
You good sis?
Yes, I can absolutely attribute the above ‘whys’ to a thousand different things – hustle culture, diagnosed anxiety, comparison on social media, etc. But I don’t feel like self-examining myself, at least not right now.
I don’t feel like it.
I’m also giggling to myself, because this goes against everything I recently wrote in another blog post.
Tomorrow it is back “to the grind”, as they say. Perhaps I will deal with these feelings tomorrow. Perhaps I will just wait until I see you next weekend, my spooky Sunday scaries.
Sometimes a blog post will have advice or answers; sometimes it will simply be feelings.