on slowing down

Hey friends, I hope you’re doing well and are hanging in there <3

To start off… I once had in my drafts a blog post titled “My inability to slow down”. For whatever reason, I scrapped the idea of that post and churned out this post instead. But the idea of revisiting that idea of writing about slowing down has always lingered in my mind, which now seems pretty apropos. I started this post before COVID19, and then things really started slowing down.

To be transparent, I felt strange and inappropriate finishing a personal post right now, it just didn’t seem quite right. But then I came across this Man Repeller article by Harling Ross (there’s a few Man Repeller mentions in this blog post, big fan) titled “I’m Clinging to Personal Writing More Than Ever Right Now”. I too have been devouring the personal writings to bloggers over the past few days, so I thought WHAT THE HECK. Let’s do it.

Since the death of my grandmother and other recent life events, I’ve wanted nothing more than to continue moving. I’ve made very conscious decisions to keep my mind and body moving until my eyes begin to shut. The idea of slowing down and being still with my thoughts is – a daunting idea to say the least. The thought of being still with my mind makes me want to do another immediate task, which is what I typically do. A paralyzing, crippling fear comes with simply the thought of slowing down.

A few months ago, I came across this piece by Caroline Moss, titled My Therapist Says It’s Ok to Stew in Sadness. “Productivity, I believe, is a cure for my illness [depression],” Caroline writes. Reading this piece hit me like a ton of bricks and like a comfort blanket at the same time – there was someone out there who feels the same way. The need to run, run, run, sprint, sprint, sprint when the second the symptoms being revealing themselves yet again. This desire to continue moving to avoid overthinking and feeling only increases during the warmer months….

Art found on Pinterest

Like the weather, let’s transition into something a little different…

Springing forward and transitioning into warmer weather makes me S.A.D. Being in a city in the heat, seeing people out and about as I walk – without fail, makes me feel incredibly sad each year. I am lucky and #blessed enough to have an abundance of friends here in Philly, and friends around the country I can connect with at anytime and visit. But it’s like I’m always missing out on something – a FOMO that isn’t based in reality. I’ve felt this way for as long as I can remember. This feeling harkens back to the days of grade school, where I had a constant fear the popular girls were hanging out without me.

As the weather transforms, we are resigned to do the opposite of our human instinct. We are, for the time being confined, to our homes #stayhome. With that, racing thoughts, overthinking, We have so many questions to so many uncertain situations, and we want answers. I’m right there with ya if you’re feeling that way.

All this to say… we are all slowing down right now. The weather is changing. We are all feeling all of the feels. And let’s be very real, it’s hard not to be overcome with feeling overwhelmed.

So let’s slow down together. Let’s all figure this out together. Because we’re in this together.

Two things I recommend signing up for right now:

Man Repeller’s Thoughtline

To end this post… please take care of yourselves. Think of your health and safety, and the health and safety of others. Support causes you’re passionate about, and those you’re not passionate about, if you can. Cry if you want to. Show compassion and empathy to people. Call someone.


One response to “on slowing down”

  1. […] Clinging to Personal Writing More Than Ever Right Now by Harling Ross (also referenced in this post) has me nodding my head in unison. I’m finding comfort, solidarity and mucho entertainment in […]

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